My mind clearly isn’t filthy enough… I read this “book” months ago and only just got the not so subtle double entendre. Maybe that makes me slow but if that is the case, I blame this god awful book. At 19 pages it’s really more of a pamphlet, rather than a book or novella. I had no idea who Christie Sims was until my bestie sent me a picture of one of her book covers, which he had seen on 9gag. We had a laugh, thinking it was all a big joke, until we went on to Amazon and realised that it was not only real, but that Sims has written 50+ books! Books about all manner of bizarre mythological and paranormal erotica. We decided to buy one each and stage dramatic readings of these books to each other. I got this monstrosity and James decided on In the Velociraptor’s Nest.
In a prehistoric time, far far away, humans and dinosaurs roam the earth together, much like Ken Ham would have us believe. I’m not sure that Ken envisioned that humans would be having carnal relations with the mighty beasts.
This, obviously, isn’t a highly sophisticated plot. Some of the village hunters return to the settlement to find it torn apart and many of the inhabitants dead. The survivors explain to the returning party that the destruction was wrought by “the big lizard”. Our female protagonist, Drin, calls for a village meeting and calls for a party to go out and hunt the lizard. She is out voted resulting in the settlement packing up and moving shop to get away from another attack from the T-Rex. At the new settlement, Drin knows that the lizard will find them so she spends her time setting up traps, to better prepare for its arrival.
A few months after the settlement has moved the T-Rex reappears. Drin, singlehandedly, lures the beast from the settlement and into her traps. The plan is going along swimmingly when suddenly Drin finds herself lost and trapped by the Tyrannosaur.
“Springing along the trail, suddenly as horny as hell, Drin had to fight the urge to touch herself between her legs as she ran and the big lizard gave chase.”
“Fear shot through her, mingling with the arousal she felt to create a completely new feeling, one which she did not entirely hate.”
She has nowhere to run, the lizard captures her and she in convinced that this is the moment of her death. The lizard has other plans for Drin.
The Writing Style
I’m not entirely sure you can use the words “writing” and “style” to describe this pamphlet (I refuse to refer to it as a book). Why try to explain this? Read the excerpts below:
“Below her feet was an object which she was unable to identify, two feet in length at least, it was thick as her arm at the elbow, except for the end which tampered down to a blunt point, dark red and solid.”
“It seemed as if time stood still, there was nothing in the entire world apart from this grunting, grinding growling lizard and Drin, wrapped around its cock. She managed to bring her legs up, locking her ankles around its wet dick as well the entire length of her body becoming a cunt for this animal to fuck.”
Needless to say, this continues to the end of the pamphlet, while she too manages to orgasm while giving the giant lizard a “body job”. This is standard writing for this sort of quick tap and toss genre, but with the added bonus of prehistoric bestiality.
Utter shit. These pamphlets are awful, but apparently they fill a niche market and people are buying them. I enjoy good literary porn, and some authors have an amazing gift for describing erotic sex, sexual tension and intimacy. Christie Sims is not one of them. To be fair, this was not meant to be loving or intimate but even as erotica, it falls horribly short. A further complication is that I like a little plot with my porn. These pamphlets could be used as scripts for porn films, and they wouldn’t even need to be edited or re-written for the screen. They read much like terrible porn is performed. The plot, “actors/characters” and the setting are all flimsy because their primary purpose is to act as a vehicle for getting to the sex.
I can’t say that I would read any of Sim’s other work, one was enough, but this one was good for a laugh. Still better erotica that 50 Shades of Grey.
My Rating: 1/5
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