Book Review: Gay T-Rex Law Firm: Executive Boner – What has been read cannot be unread

T-Rex Law Firm

Why Chuck, why? Did someone touch you on the bad place when you were a child? Did someone try to make you “pray the gay away”? Did your dad have a dinosaur dildo and use it on himself when he didn’t know you were watching? I feel like these are the only scenarios that would cause enough trauma to a young mind and manifest in adulthood through this pamphlet. Actually, pamphlet is too good a term for this monstrosity of fiction. The best way to describe this literary horror is to compare it to a backwater diner’s ratty, laminated, sticky covered menu. You know the type. The diner furniture is usually covered in plastic, with patterned plastic tablecloths and not a matching set of cutlery exists in the time warp that is this eatery. Then some wretched, down-trodden, over-worked, under-paid, suicidal waitress hands you a menu, but wait… Not just one menu. There are actually two menus but she doesn’t realise it because they are so sticky that they are glued together. This “book” is like that menu, except that I would be more willing to lick that menu and contract Hep C than subject my brain to this abortion again.

The Plot

Ha! Right, ok. Um, the menu kicks us off right with the main course, no starter to ease us into the meal. A self-proclaimed morsel of ripped manliness is interviewing for a secretarial position at one of NYC’s most prestigious law firms. This law firm is entirely run by Tyrannosaurs. Donny is hired on the spot. (That was literally the first page)

Donny is privileged to have gotten this job. He meets his new boss the next day, and is shown around. Everything seems so normal, other than the fact that his employer and colleagues are all dinosaurs. His first day is difficult but the fun only starts after dark.

Writing Style

I don’t actually know what to say. The story itself is awful and the premise is daft but the writing is even worse. I’m just going to add a few excerpts here to illustrate my point:

“I’m dressed as professional as I can muster…”

“…Tyson retreats back to into his office…”

“… thanks mostly to the continuous delivery of more and more paperwork from office curriers…”

Those are only the grammatical and spelling errors, and those come from the first two pages. You can only imagine the heartache as the menu continued. I’m not even going to comment on the stupidity and lack of imagination in calling the fucking T-Rex “Tyson”. In a similar fashion to Christie Sims‘ pamphlets, this menu is not meant to be intelligent or insightful. It’s literary porn trying to get you to point as quickly and directly as possible. Do not pass go, do not collect lube.

The Review & Things We’ve Learned

I can’t decide if this menu is homophobic. I don’t really know how to explain what I mean but here are a few excerpts that made me wonder:

“Contract to run a T-rex gangbang train on Donny Sullivan’s gay human ass…”

“You like what a nasty gay boy I am?”

“Treat me like the slutty fucking gay boy that I am.”

On their own, they don’t seem that bad but when considered in context of the entire menu, these sorts of lines just seem a bit off. Or maybe this is just written like bad porn is filmed. Throughout the menu, this Donny character maintains that he is not gay and that he did not know what he was signing. Always read the fine print people! This numb-nuts is supposed to have a law degree. Yet, when he realises that the contract was real and valid, he has absolutely no objections with the stipulations held within the aforementioned contract.

The man who wrote this menu has clearly never had sex. More importantly, he has clearly never had anal sex either. Now, you don’t have to have performed an act to understand the mechanics of it. And we all know that lube, lots of lube, is fundamental for this to work. This is Donny’s first ever backdoor invasion, it goes a little something like this:

“He takes my boxer briefs and tears them off in one firm rip, then aligns his engorged cock with my tight ass and pushes into me with brutal force.”

“His Jurassic cock fills me to the brim, yet I can’t help by push my body back against him.”

“The most terrifying part, however, is how good it’s starting to feel.”

“The T-rex in front of me aligns his cock with my already filled asshole and then pushed forward, forcefully stretching me as both cocks fill my hole in a powerful double penetration.”

By my estimation, Donny power bottoms about a 6-8 dinosaurs (tag teaming, spit-roasting and deep-throating all in one sitting) but it able to come to work the next day and sit down, having never done this before and sans lube for the duration of his ravaging.

Can I also just point out that the T-Rex is not from the Jurassic period. I feel that this is in fact a minor detail but I feel obligated to point this out. Don’t read it! I’d like to point out that the only reason I read this menu was because it was a fan request. You can say no and stay as far as humanly possible from this menu.

My Rating: 1/5

Buy Gay T-Rex Law Firm on Amazon.com

You may like:

Taken by the T-Rex

Taken by the Gay Unicorn Biker

Robohound Forced Me

Chuck’s Dinosaur Tinglers: Volume 1

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12 responses to “Book Review: Gay T-Rex Law Firm: Executive Boner – What has been read cannot be unread

  1. Pingback: Book Review: Space Raptor Butt Invasion | A World of Weird

      • Oh really? Alas I haven’t much time for reading these days. It’s engineering research articles and whatnots =( tropical Mary what is your book suggestion of the day? Despite being in (south) africa, I do have a kindle and an Amazon account and thus far it’s been used for a miscellaneous collection of fantasy novels and free modern day classics?

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        • I know how you feel. I work full time, am doing a post graduate degree and I’m married. I don’t find enough time to read, game and still feed myself and finish my degree.

          If you want a decent laugh but light reading try Sam Torode’s “The Dirty Parts of the Bible”.

          P.S. It’s great to meet another South African 🙂

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