Book Review: Seduced by the Paranormal Tentacle – Soft Science but Hard Everything Else

Paranormal Tentacle

I had to take a number of deep, fortifying breaths before I cracked the virtual spine of this rip-roaring paranormal roller coaster. Alas, I was cheated. This was not the paranormal, spine-tingling, thrilling, taboo filled joyride I thought it would be. This booked robbed me. I thought I would be disgusted and amused by the ludicrous western attempt at literary hentai but, instead, I was left utterly and completely whelmed.

The Plot

An anthropology student (level of study left unspecified), has convinced her university to give her a grant to dig up human remains in the Amazon to study how they would have lived, when in fact she is going to the jungles of Brazil to find a mythical sex tree, said to bring only pleasure to those who find it. She even managed to wangle a research assistant out of this deal. I’m not even going to talk about how difficult grants are to get and how unlikely this plot is because we all know its not about plot.

The Writing Style

This book was possibly one of the most beautiful examples of soft science I have ever encountered. What made it worst was the author trying to sound like she had a clue about what she was writing about. Instead of just glossing over the “scientific” details and getting to the tree sex, she went into painstaking detail and boring explanations.

“Her thought process filtered through the anthropologist and scientist’s point of view. To observe the creature in the wild, and, dare she thought, let it experiment on her, was not enough. she had to ask as many questions as possible, even the ones as simple as ‘how does it breathe’?”

This little snippet is the launch of a 3 page pseudo-scientific brainstorm that serves no purpose. The writing it dull and clunky. It’s actually an effort to read, even though the entire “book” is only 23 pages long. It took so long to get to the point, I was completely uninterested by the time Stephanie and Tara reached their betentacled sex tree.

The Review

I take back every bad thing I have said about a Chuck Tingle and Christie Sims. At least their stories actually progressed. This woman should not be writing and sure as hell should not be writing paranormal porn. Despite the bizarre idea of body jobbing a dinosaur or a dino gang bang, at least those stories left me feeling confused, disgusted or intrigued, sometimes all three. This wet rag made me want to smother myself with a pillow, just to stop the tedium.

When we eventually wandered on the sex part of this story, our conquering heroines come upon a tree (in more ways that one) with tentacles for leaves. It uses these tentacles to sexually gratify any creature willing to submit to it. The tree survives of the hormones released by the creature being gratified. Or some approximation thereof. The girls dive in head first.

“Tara suddenly found herself unwittingly – or perhaps very wittingly, Stephanie could no longer tell – sucking on the creature’s tentacle like it was a dick.”

“….Tara saw the two tentacles unleash themselves, burrowing in Tara’s ass and pussy like an arrow shot by Cupid.”

The fucking tree’s name is Trorgasm. Kill me.

My rating: 1/5

Buy Seduced by the Paranormal Tentacle at Amazon.com

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