Book Review: Elves and Orcs Erotica Super-Collection – Apparently, Slaanesh wills it…

Elves and OrcsThere is absolutely no acceptable reason for why I do this to myself. I’d like to blame the Sneaky Squirrel but alas, you cannot be forced to read something, except maybe Vogon poetry. Thankfully, this was paid for with a gift card that I got for my birthday, and what a great purchase this fucking soiled tissue was. Truly, though, I blame no-one but myself.

Plot

This boxset comprised of 5 individually soiled tissues: Violated by Orcs, Hucow of the Orcs, Return of the Hucow of the Orcs, Mated to the Orc and Ravaged by the Orc.

The first 3 tissues follow Elaria, an elven scout – said to the the most valued class of elf within the hierarchy below the monarch. Elaria is following a band of orcs, by command of her Queen, to determine why the orcs are venturing closer and closer to elven territory. They have brazenly destroyed entire cities, razing the structures, killing the men and capturing the women. For what purpose? Well, that is Elaria’s job to find out. Blah, blah, blah, she is quickly captured even though she is the best scout the elves have. The three orcs who capture her, decide that they want a little fun before taking her to their Chieftain. In a desperate attempt to save her virginity, she offers everyone a blowjob. After this sweaty, grunty, leathery interlude, she is whisked away to the camp and put before the Chieftain, who explains that the orcs are capturing elf cities for the women, with the ultimate purpose of breeding with the women.

He intends to breed with Elaria. Obviously. When it finally happens -shock, horror- she enjoys it more than she thought she would but is quickly returned to her prison. Over the course of the 3 tissues, she is mated multiple times with several partners (up to 10 in one sitting, standing, binding, any position really), falls pregnant, meets another elf woman named Sereenia, they become meals-on-wheels (they’re in a mobile prison) for  the orcs’ ultimate weapon against the elves – a betentacled creature called a marshrog, have a brief interlude of tentacle rape (though it’s not really rape is she enjoyed it – right?) and manages to buy the entire elf army enough time to escape the besieged city by seducing an orc warrior .

The final 2 tissues follow an elf scout named Talia. She is charged with securing safe passage for the surviving elves via a subterranean passageway called “The Depths”. This passageway is at the centre of dwarf territory. Things go pear-shaped quickly for Talia as the dwarves no longer inhabit “The Depths”. Ghouls have taken up residence and attack the young scout as soon as she sets foot in the cavern. She is promptly rescued by an orc named Thorg. A lone, good Samaritan living in the caves. She fucks his brains out, presumably in gratitude for saving her, and goes on her merry way to complete her mission. After finding safe passage and much later in the story, Talia and two other female scouts are captured by orcs, but manage to kill them after being completely sexually satisfied first.

Writing Style

The usual bullshit. My biggest issue with this sort of shitty “literature”, is the forced old English that writers try to pass off as authentic. This particular gem used with words “orc” and “elf” far too frequently, and often used these as pronouns, instead of “he” or “she”. It became supremely irritating. Christ on a cross, we know that we’re reading about orcs and elves fucking each other! IT’S LITERALLY THE FUCKING TITLE!

The incorrect form of the past tense is an ongoing issue I have. I’m not sure if this is an Americanism but I have seen it most frequently in American books and media. As an example, Marazza uses “treaded” instead of “trod” for the verb “to tread”, as well as using “drug” instead of ” dragged” for the verb “to drag”. In my head, this is basic English language skill that any English speaking/writing author should be familiar with. Don’t try to be a nouveau Tolkien when you can’t get the basics right.

“They were elf’s polar opposites, lumbering brutes whose intelligence was sorely lacking.”

“The orcs had grown weary of merely toying with the sexy body of the elven scout.”

“The thought of having some inhuman monster stimulate her pussy was revolting to Elaria, but she couldn’t deny, the tentacle was soft, warm and wet. It slipped up and down her lips, moistening her. She shuddered. Elaria couldn’t deny it, she wanted the tentacle to fuck her.”

“Soon, the creature found Elaria’s swollen breasts. She cried out at the mouths of the appendages opened and latched onto the elf’s sensitive, lactating tits. …A bolt of pleasure shot through the elf as the thick, slimy organ parted her, the tentacle filled her with its slippery warmth.”

The Review

There was so much wrong with the lore alone. I’m not even going to get into it. Particularly irksome, was the fact that all the elf women, aside from Elaria and Talia, were all curvy, buxom, brunette or red-headed womenfolk. These two were the only two blonde bitches in the whole of Dorothia. The sex was surprisingly dull and filled with grunting, slut-shaming and begging gagging virgins.

Marazza did get one thing right, she consistently describes the orcs as smelly and unkempt. Buuuut then she uses this to a sexual advantage and makes this indicative of their virility and sexual prowess. No! They just stink. Talia kisses Thorg and his taste is described as that of “raw meat and iron”. I don’t find that sexy or appealing. You could rather watch that weird animated elf and ogre/centaur/mythical beast porn on Pornhub than read this. Really.

My rating: 1/5

Buy Elves and Orcs Erotica Super-Collection on Amazon.com

You might like: (if you must)

The Orc Chief’s Virgin Tribute

The Plundering of Erun

Enslaved: The Orc Captive Part One

Or go to Winters-Marazza Publishing for updates

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