Book Review: The Panty Whisperer Vol. 1 – Stalker Edition

The Panty Whisperer

Women who read this sort of smut, and still berate men for watching porn, need to stop kidding themselves. This entire pamphlet was the literary equivalent of a ten minute porn vid minus the annoying sounds that the women tend to make but with all the shitty dialogue. People like to convince themselves that these two media are different but when you break it down, they’re exactly the same. Much like the porn stars playing a fictitious role, these are fictional characters doing the nasty in enticing ways to make sure that you, the reader/viewer, gets off on it. And just like porn stars win awards for performances, Sloane Howell will probably hit the NY Time’s Best Seller list for this.

 The Plot

I’m going to assume that the later volumes take the same format as this one and tell you there isn’t really a plot, per se. It’s more a narration of things to come. The male protagonist, Joel, is a self-proclaimed sex-god and he enjoys giving pleasure as much as he enjoys receiving it. This volume is focused on Jessica; an unhappily married mother of two, working a dull accounting job, who is completely sexually repressed. Joel has decided that he needs to show her the light.

Writing Style

It’s a first person narrative, entirely from Joel’s perspective. It works in this instance as it establishes control and who is controlling the scene you’re reading. There are no obvious grammatical or syntactic errors, which is a welcome relief! So, nothing bad to say here.

“The thought of me will be a thirst you can’t quench, an itch you just can’t scratch, a drug that you cannot have. Every time you run your fingers down over your body, longing for that unattainable feeling I gave you, that warm sensation shooting into your toes, that complete surrender of all inhibition, aching for me to have you just one more time, I’ll be there, inside your mind…”

The Review

I’m not sure why but the narrative comes across as a bit stalkery. I understand that the way Joel describes and explains himself and his behaviour is meant to entice the reader but when you read some of the bits relating to Jessica, it just sounds like a loopy man in a trench-coat waiting to flash women. Also, I’m all for talking dirty but I really would like to see more moderate use of the words: “cunt” and “dick”. Sometimes, it seems like the author is trying too hard to create the imagery and got a bit carried away when writing.

Other than in porn, I don’t think that I’ve ever come across a woman who enjoys having semen ejaculated on her face. It’s messy and sticky and she needs to go back to work after this. This coupled with the exhibitionism was just a little too unbelievable for poor repressed Jessica. Now, I know that this is meant to be a fantasy and Joel is supposed to be able to make you want to act out all your darkest wishes and wants but, for me, this was a little too much too fast.

Generally, for the genre, I enjoyed this pamphlet. It certainly outdoes the Christie Sims and Chuck Tingles of this world. If you’re more of a literary than visual person, this will work for you. Mr Howell, please consider changing the name of this series. It’s so corny, it hurts me! I implore you!

My Rating: 2.5/5

Buy The Panty Whisperer Vol. 1 on

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