I like a romance/erotica story with a good literary alpha male. Someone who can take charge and lead me into temptation. Freudian psychologists, if they still exist in this day and age, might have a lot to say about that but at the end of the day, the trope exists for a reason. Not one to turn my nose up at other people’s fetishes and turn ons, I decided to give this pamphlet a spin.
If you expected anything vaguely sophisticated, you’re a fucking idiot. Jezebel is a nurse in a… You know what, just… Here is the blurb from Amazon:
“Jezebel, the nurse, finds herself in the midst of a jailbreak in an all-male prison. She knows they’ve been watching her. There’s nothing like a sexy woman amidst so many men.
Unfortunately for Jezebel, these tattooed aggressive violent men take advantage of the situation and pump her full over and over hard and without protection.
Little did these men know, but Jezebel has been watching them too. She dreams about them plowing, stretching and filling her until each man is drained of every last drop.”
There were too many grammatical and spelling errors to count. Ms Dame’s author page on Amazon states that she makes enough money from writing this drivel to get by. The top of the cover also says that this is her best selling title. My questions are: 1. How? and 2. To who?! Other than me, who is buying this shit? She has the writing ability of a 5 year-old, and that’s insulting to some really smart 5 year-olds.
The blurb alone clearly illustrates this author’s aversion to commas and other punctuation.
“The two men grabbed on tightly to me and ravaged my holes as they pumped me as hard as they possibly could.“
“Both cocks tightened at the same time, then exploded within me. Hot cum pumping inside my holes, I could feel both men shudder with pleasure.”
“Their juices tasted even better than their cocks as my mouth was completely filled to the brim. Swallowing, I wanted more. I had to have more.”
“He grabbed the back of my head and pushed it back and forth as the man underneath me went into a furious rage and fucked me without resentment, straight fucking the shit out of me.”
I know, I know! He who is without grammatical errors cast the first book, and all that. It’s not like every one of my blog posts is perfect. Hardly! I make mistakes all the time. So, who am I to judge? Here’s the thing. Lean in really close to your screen and squint at it so I know that I have your full attention. I’m not charging anyone to read the drivel I write. They get this shit for free. And I can guarantee that if, and that’s a huge if, I ever do start charging people real money, my musings will be fucking perfect because I’d bother to proofread them.
Let us consider, for a moment, that this entire series of debauched events was able to happen because this supposed high security prison keeps all its vital keys in a central reception area. Keys… What modern prison still has keys?
Also, I completely understand fetishes but could you at least pretend to care about the actual fetish rather than pay really shitty lip service to some people’s need to be dominated, overpowered, erotically asphyxiated or practice some dub-con with their partner? She says that she writes for a niche market, when in fact Dame is exploiting a very specific fetish. And from what I can see, she’s not doing that well, if the Amazon reviews are anything to go by. So, please do explain how you’re a “Best Selling” anything?
Truth be told, the erotica in this leaflet wasn’t all that exciting. Most of it was of the “…and then…” variety. You know the type. There’s no real build up, almost as if the author watched some really bad porn and tried to write it down verbatim. It has no flow and doesn’t create a fluid narrative. It usually goes a little something thing this:
“I grabbed a cock and shoved it into my mouth, sucking on it furiously without reservation. The men swarmed around me stroking their dicks and watching me suck on the man’s cock.
Feeling my pussy with my other hand, I ran my fingers around my clit, further turning myself on and pushing myself into orgasm.”
Sex so dry, you’ll end up with friction burn. Where Crystal Cabbage and her “sopping snatch” were too wet, this tissue was Sahara dry. Please don’t waste your hard earned $3.41 on this sorry excuse for a gangbang. Don’t even get me started on the cover! That’s the most coiffed prison hair I have ever seen. You might also wanna have a look at this cover as well…
My Rating: 1/5
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