Just when I though I had seen the most daft, irrational, stupid, implausible and generally inane thing… This snotty tissue comes my way. Though I bought this a while back, I could never get myself to bother reading it. However, being the giving and loving person that I am, I’m reviewing this as a fan request.
Camilla has grown weary of the of the Jersey party scene with its abundance of fake tans, spiked tips and loud women. She finds herself walking on the beach to escape the noise and pretense, one night. While wondering along her sandy refuge, she comes across a beautiful pebble, smooth and sea-weathered. Inexplicably, she is draw too it.
Upon picking it up, Camilla feels a jolt of electricity, possibly magic, run through her. She hides the pebble in her underwear to keep it safe from the Jersey muscle-head making his way to her. When Vinnie tries to take advantage of Camilla, the ancient sculptor trapped within the stone cannot stand idly by while this happens.
I’ve reviewed a previous work of Fannie’s. Horn Lords 2 did not set the bar very high, especially after making up a language with absolutely no way for the reader to understand it and the weird Tolkienesque vernacular. This story, though more ridiculous in every way, was not terribly written, only badly. I found the usual overextended sentences and lazy Americanisms (e.g. the inability to use adverbs) that I’ve come to expect with these stained tissues.
“Pietro fucked her with a will, moving with the unstoppable force of his pent-up lust, buried beneath the ocean waves, forgotten for centuries, a building hunger unleashed.”
“A vision flashed through her mind – herself as a block of stone, Pietro a mad sculptor, his cock the chisel that he used to shape her into something new.”
“Camilla’s orgasm came like summer rain on the ocean, warm and sudden, swelling in intensity until it consumed all sight and sound.”
Yet again, the erotica is sorely lacking. One scene with the same adjectives and actions as all the other drivel out there is not erotica. I want something that will make me want for more, feel the need to try the myself or at least put the suggestion firmly in my mind.
I’ve mentioned that this story’s premise is stupid and that the erotica is lacking but the thing that gets to me the most is the fact that the alleged magical pebble is meant to be the eroded genitalia of an ancient statue. Essentially, when Camilla touches the stone the first time, she has a vision of angry townsfolk urging someone to take a chisel to the statue before them and remove the prominent penis. In this vision, several statues are defaced and Camilla sees the pieces of removed marble carted off and dumped into the ocean.
The marble is then worn away over the next five hundred years until it washes up on the Jersey Shore, ready for Camilla to defile it by hiding it in her underwear. The problem? Art censorship didn’t really take off until the Renaissance, and I would hardly call 15th century Rome “ancient”. Moreover, the pebble is supposedly imbued with a piece of the sculptor’s soul. It is this soul that creates the magic and allows Pietro to possess Vinnie and, ultimately, fuck Camilla senseless.
The more I type, the dumber it sounds. I cannot see how this is erotic for anyone, except maybe people who are attracted to inanimate objects but even so, the pebble doesn’t do the fucking, the sculptor does, in the form of a marble statue. And, can someone tell me what the sculpture ejaculates? Marble dust?
“A warm bead of something thick and sticky seeped down the inside of one thigh, interrupting her thoughts.”
My Rating: 1/5
Buy Ravaged by the Magic Pebble at Amazon.
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