Movie Review: Freshwater – The Poor Man’s Lake Placid

Freshwater

Genre: Thriller/Mystery/Gore

Director: Brandeis Berry

Running Time: 73 Minutes

“I’m rooting for the crocodile. I hope he swallows your friends whole. You might want to arrest me for that too. Is that a crime? To wish the chewing of law enforcement”

– Mrs Bickerman, Lake Placid

The Plot

Some small town guys and gals decide to have a party up at a lake house belonging to one of their parents. The trouble starts when one of the ladies doesn’t show up but her body parts do. Concurrent to this, there have been sightings of a massive, white croc in the waters around town. Eventually, a reptile specialist and some or other g-man join forces with the local PD to figure out what is going on, as the injuries on the victims don’t seem to come from one animal. [Que soft science and smooth jazz]

Freshwater Jetski

Performances & Special Effects

Everything from the acting to the special effects were bad in this film. The entire thing was assuredly filmed on a camera phone. A high quality camera phone but a camera phone nonetheless. The filters were wrong and the script was probably a pop-up book. The set dressing was a joke, with the police department looking like the back storage area of a high-end office. It’s apparent that the majority of the budget went into renting the lake house (pictured below).

Freshwater House

There was no attention to detail, or continuity, whatsoever! Second only to Birdemic: Shock and Terror, this was some of the worst CGI I have ever witnessed. It was almost as it these kids were summering somewhere and one of them had the bright idea to film an impromptu movie and have some friends “who are good with computers” do the special effects. Don’t even get me started on the badly dubbed voices!

Freshwater Croc

The Review

This was bad, boring and obvious. The plot was lazy and the errors in continuity are testament to that. There was a science montage that showed absolutely nothing other than the fact that the characters were seated in someone’s kitchen and trying to pass it off as a lab.

The real problem is that it wasn’t bad enough to be funny and it wasn’t good enough to be interesting. It really was just a waste of time with a soggy ending and stupid stereotypes. If you’re looking for a kinda cheesy, mostly silly monster movie, I suggest you stick to the oldies.

My rating: 1/5

You might like:

Lake Placid

Anaconda

Deep Blue Sea

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