“Today was supposed to be the happiest day of my life…. but,” her voice trailed off to little more than a whisper, “but, so far it’s been the worst.”
Elusive Bride, Locations 66-67
Ava Andrews is down and out, sitting is a backwater bar in her wedding dress, instead of sipping piña coladas on a cruise ship enjoying her honeymoon. How did it all fall apart and get to this point? Well, she was the one that walked out of a church full of her closest family and friends. Actually, more like her husband-to-be’s closest family and friends.
In steps Weston, with a heart of gold and a soft spot for weepy damsels in distress. He’s likely the only man in the bar, other than the owner, who isn’t trying to get into Ava’s confection of a dress. He likes Ava but he’s been in this situation before and the last time didn’t end very well. He wound up broke, sad and with a son that he had to fight for.
The real question is whether Ava will reassess her decisions in the cold light of day, with a clear head, and decide to stay in Woodson Tennessee, or run back to a man she’s not even sure she likes, in Nashville.
There were too many grammatical and spelling errors to count. The author made the unfortunate mistake of writing exactly the same way that she/someone would speak. Using grammatically incorrect phrases, words or tenses is fine if they are being used for emphasis or in direct speech but using these in your narrative is unacceptable. Spell check is a marvelous thing which costs you nothing!
“If his x-wife, Linda, got the notion he was taking in strange women or any woman she would have him back in court pronto! He couldn’t risk losing his visitation rights.” Locations 120-122
“Your leaving?” (sic)
“Just next door in Toby’s bedroom. You’ll be fine but if you need me just call.” Locations 166-167
Here are two examples of the most prevalent errors. If you’re going to put a story out there, at least be sure that you used the correct “you’re/your”. This is basic grammar, people. And of course, “ex-wife” is what Ms Nancy Kay Moore was looking for here. Further, the lack of apostrophes (denoting possession) and commas severely hurt my brain.
This sort of story makes me sad. It actually has a good premise and some decent characters but, in addition to the terrible grammar, it felt like we were running a race to the end of the story. There was abundant space for character development and further descriptive narrative. The exchanges between characters felt forced and rushed. Ms Moore has potential but this story is simply too unpolished to enjoy. The narrative needs to be fleshed out and slowed down. The story is riddled with cliches and obvious plot points. There are also entirely unexplored plot points (e.g. her brother’s whereabouts) which would have made the story more compelling.
I’ve listed a few decent, shortish romances below, for those of you who are looking for this type of story. I would recommend that you give those a go before you read this offering.
My rating: 2/5
Buy Elusive Bride from Amazon.
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