Book Review: The Angel Wore Fangs

the-angel-wore-fangs

“Seven brothers, each guilty of one of the Seven Deadly Sins. Pride. Lust. Sloth. Wrath. Gluttony. Envy. Greed.” He gave Cnut a pointed look. “Wouldst care to guess which one is yours?”

The Angel Wore Fangs: A Deadly Angels Book (Locations 342-343)

The Plot

I honestly don’t think that I could do the plot as much justice as the blurb on the back of the book did:

Once guilty of the deadly sin of gluttony, thousand-year-old Viking vampire angel Cnut Sigurdsson is now a lean, mean, vampire-devil fighting machine. His new side-job? No biggie: just ridding the world of a threat called ISIS while keeping the evil Lucipires (demon vampires) at bay. So when chef Andrea Stewart hires him to rescue her sister from a cult recruiting terrorists at a Montana dude ranch, vangel turns cowboy. Yeehaw!

The too-tempting mortal insists on accompanying him, surprising Cnut with her bravery at every turn. But with terrorists stalking the ranch in demonoid form, Cnut teletransports Andrea and himself out of danger—accidentally into the tenth-century Norselands. Suddenly, they have to find their way back to the future to save her family and the world…and to satisfy their insatiable attraction.

Writing Style

I feel like this was meant to be funny but I was struggling to find the humour. I think that there was just so much happening with the plot that the humour didn’t have an much of an impact as it should have had. That said, the book was technically sound, written in the third person, with a few annoying Americanisms that plague mass literature. I was also distracted by just how many times the author mentioned Cnuts hair. I got it the first time! He’s a viking and you clearly like the show.

“Two young women in waitress uniforms glanced his way, then gaped. Leather did that to some women, or motorcycles. Then again, it might be the Ragnar Lothbrok hairstyle he’d adopted the last year or so, worn by that character in that History Channel show The Vikings during the first few seasons. Shaved on the sides, with triple dark blond braids interwoven together from his forehead to his nape, then tied off with a leather thong to hang down his back.” (Locations 582-585)

Sandra Hill clearly knows what she’s doing but got just a little too carried away with this one.

I wasn’t particularly fond of the old English-ish language used when the characters time traveled to the past, and I also don’t understand how the entire Norse town could speak English and Andrea was able to understand the dialect, but whatever.

“Was not!” Girda countered. “Methinks ye wouldn’t know bad butter from pig lard.” “Oh, oh, oh! Didst hear that rudeness, Cnut? You should whip the woman.” (Locations 4102-4103)

The Review

Almost every chapter started with a menu of some kind. And even though he’s a glutton and she’s chef, this was really stupid. It wasn’t incorporated into the narrative properly and felt largely disjointed in the way that it was presented.

COCKTAILS & NIBBLES AT HORROR CASTLE

Deviled eggs and deviled tongue (from fertile females)

Wicked wings soaked in diablo sauce                                                                                       Blood fondue with toast points                                                                                                   Black Mass caviar on small blinis with crème fraîche                                                  Lucifer’s Loin Chops (mini lamb lollipops)

Bite-size devil’s food cupcakes                                                                                                 Crispy lady fingers                                                                                                                             Designer marshmallows toasted over hellfire                                                                      Satan’s Whiskers Rambutan, the hairy fruit (beware of occasional maggot)

Bloody Marys (with thanks to Lucipires-to-be Mary Higgins, Lady Mary Ethridge, and Mary Contraire)                                                                                                                               Hooch from Hell                                                                                                                             Beelzebub’s Beard Punch (it will put hair on your chest, if not your chin)                    Devil Juice (nonalcoholic but sinfully good)

Yippee-ki-yay, get along little dogies, uh, demons . . .

(Locations 1299-1311)

This story was long, and drawn out, with too many different subplots and characters. For all its length, the protagonists shared no real chemistry. The love story fell very flat for me, especially when the blurb describes their lust as an “insatiable attraction”.

Can we also just take a moment to appreciate the utter stupidity of the words Vangels (Vampire Angels) and Lucipires (Lucifer’s Vampires). I have no ideal why the author needed to make up these blended nouns. Also, as an aside, you can imagine what I was calling Cnut in my head while I read this almost 400 page monstrosity.

Though not as lengthy, but equally ridiculous, this reminded me a lot of a book that I reviewed not too long ago – Tentacle Lord. It too relied on too many deranged subplots. What Sandra Hill should have done, was drop one subplot from the narrative. Instead of vampiric angels and demons, time travel and a love story – maybe she should have dropped the time travel, or not made everything vampiric. Everything, together in one book is just too much to handle.

I’ve suggested two books below that you may enjoy more than this book. Neither of them is as long, nor are they as expensive on Amazon (especially when the exchange rate I’m dealing with is 15 rand to 1 dollar). Further, Lucifer’s Daughter has the angel/demon story arc, while A Tiger’s Bride has just enough ridiculousness to be hysterical in parts.

My rating: 2/5

Buy The Angel Wore Fangs on Amazon.

You might like:

Lucifer’s Daughter

A Tiger’s Bride

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