Book Review: Attack of the Fisting Zombies – Skateboards and Roller Skates and Catapults Oh My!

Attack of the Fisting Zombies.jpg

“Hess was a beautiful, battle-hardened thirty-something, who was only vaguely described, but the general impression was one of cool, calm, poise and beauty, with a devastating intellect and wicked smile. And a large chest, obviously, squeezed into a tight uniform which strained to hold in her round, heavy, pliant, pendulous breasts that heaved up and down like two soft flesh mountains as she gasped for breath through her moist wet lips. Oh, and she had a PhD or something.”

Attack of the Fisting Zombies (Locations 66-68)

The Plot

From Amazon: Returning from some vaguely described space mission in the Van Halen belt, a satellite carrying heavy metal samples crashes to Earth bringing with it the Balunbals virus. But the virus only effects men, liquefying their brains giving them oversized testicles. Soon the world is up to its ears in ravenous flesh eating testicle dragging zombies and its left to Sergeant Hess and Corporal Assburger to save the world, or at least bits of it. But on their perilous journey, they soon discover that not all zombies are created equal and that some things are worse than being eaten alive…

Writing Style

This riveting, 3rd person narrative, with a penchant for breaking the 4th wall was difficult to put down. It was funny, and able to keep me hooked, while towing the careful line between self-awareness and facetiousness.

I found a few editing errors, but those were easily overlooked.

‘“We better go check the tanks, see if we can syphon some gas,” Assburger said hastily, trying to move the plot forward.

“ What do you mean, gas? You mean petrol, right?”

“Just trying to appeal to the wider audience, you know: touch base, 24/ 7, that type of thing.”

“Yes, I suppose so. Gas it is.”’ (Location 409-414)

‘Assburger’s voluptuous figure, at the deliciously large breasts, the firm but slightly heavy buttocks and the plume of long blonde hair. Although Hess didn’t really roll that way, she felt a warm twitch in her love kipper as she passed behind the corporal, setting up the possibility of a lesbian love scene later on, which might include some spanking and light bondage. (It all depended if that kind of thing would help shift more copies of the story, or whether the flesh-ripping carnage hinted at would prove more popular.)’ (Locations 87-90)

The Review

I love this story so much. It reminded me of Half-Man, Half-Horse, All-Love, which was also hysterically funny. I found myself entirely engrossed in the story and then reading something so utterly out of place that I would have to take a break to finish laughing.

Jones is acutely aware of the over-saturation of the zombie market (books, movies, games or otherwise). This premise alone, makes for a fun read. The M. Night Shamalamadingdong-esque plot twists really brought it all together in the end. The humour is exactly up my alley. I don’t even remember buying this book, to be honest, but I’m so happy that I did. It’s difficult to write this sort of review, because I genuinely enjoyed it but I desperately don’t want to include spoilers, so I’m hoping that my following will bite the bullet and just buy it.

If you like a lot of tongue in cheek, peppered with some Shaun of the Dead type silliness, give this a go.

My rating: 4/5

Buy Attack of the Fisting Zombies on Amazon.

You might like:

Half-Man, Half-Horse, All-Love

The Oddball Express

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