Movie Review: Red Billabong – Ma! He’s making eyes a me

Red Billabong.jpg


Genre: Horror/Action/Comedy

Director: Luke Sparke

Running Time: 113 Minutes

“Mercy! Let my conscience guide me!”

Ma! He’s making eyes at me, Lena Zavaroni

The Plot

An Indiana Jones wannabe. Two homoerotic brothers. One ancient monster. And a pond. I’ve watched a lot worse with a lot less information. This is all you need.

Brotherly Love.jpg

Performances & Special Effects

I’m just going to put this out there – Dan Ewing (Nick) and Tim Pocock (Tristan) were amazing. I don’t think that the original vision for this film was a Wincest type family dynamic but that was what they gave us. Unless you watch Hone and Away, you won’t know Ewing but I can tell you that Pocock (which is just a fun name to say out loud several times) played young Cyclops in X-men Origins: Wolverine. I cannot actually comment on any other actors’ performances as their offerings where outshone by the incandescence of Ewing-Pocock love saga.

The CGI was entirely average. Miles ahead of Birdemic: Shock and Terror but is rather somewhere in between Unreal Engine 3 and 4 game graphics. I particularly enjoyed a scene where someone was meant to be stabbing the Bunyip (I kept hearing bunion) with a spear but the marker was obviously a little off centre during films yet the monster was bleeding but the actor was stabbing air.


The Review

I didn’t actually know that this was meant to be a comedy and only listed it as one because that was in the IMDb description. I just thought that it was accidentally funny. The acting was terrible from everyone but Dan and Tim. I don’t think that this was intentional, but the raw sexual tension clearly on display between these characters was impossible to ignore. I can’t tell if it is a result of bad acting, bad direction, or if the actor decided to take the piss and play up the tension. Whatever the reason, it added just the right ingredient to make an awfully shot, badly performed and horrendously CGI’ed movie hysterically funny.

At the end of the day, this was never going to be an Oscar winner, so the viewer has to go in with the right attitude. Grab a few friends, make too much popcorn and drink too much sugary, carbonated drinks. That is the only way to watch it and the only reason I am giving this film a favourable rating.

My rating: 3/5

Buy or rent Red Billabong on demand.

You might like:

Cabin in the Woods


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