Movie Review: BloodRayne: The Third Reich – Uwe Asshole!

BloodRayne 3 Poster

Genre: Action/Adventure/Fantasy

Director: Uwe Boll

Running Time: 79 Minutes

79 minutes? It felt a helluva lot longer than that! Continue reading

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Movie Review: BloodRayne 2: Deliverance – Uwe lied to me!

 BloodRayne 2 Poster

Genre: Action/Adventure/Fantasy

Director: Uwe Boll

Running Time: 99 Minutes

Here we go again! Continue reading

Movie Review: BloodRayne – Why Uwe do dis?

BloodRayne Poster

Genre: Action/Adventure/Fantasy

Director: Uwe Boll

Running Time: 95 Minutes

The conclave convened and decided that we had not tortured ourselves enough by watching Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark and House of the Dead. We took it upon ourselves to watch the BloodRayne trilogy, with undying support from the Stygian Mole and our resident Occult Specialist. This is a log of the horrors that¬† we have witnessed. Continue reading

Movie Review: House of the Dead – Uwe is a Fool

House of the Dead

Genre: Horror/Action

Director: Uwe Boll

Running Time: 90 Minutes

I played House of the Dead at the arcade when I was a kid. It was mindless, harmless fun. It was always one of the most popular arcade games. Then you hear about a movie adaptation of this beloved throwback and you hope that justice will be done. I had this experience most recently with Hitman, not the remake released this year (2015), but the one starring Timothy Oliphant in 2007. I am an avid follower of the Hitman franchise and was rather excited about the film when it was released. Some of you may feel this way about the Resident Evil franchise. The 2000s saw a number of games being adapted for the silver screen: Alone in the Dark, Doom and Tomb Raider are but a few.

This drivel is by far the worst thing that I have watched in a long time, second only to Alone in the Dark.

Continue reading